From The Riots In Baltimore, A Case Of Excellent Parenting

Sometime ago, I wrote a couple of pieces on the issue of corporal punishment in the role of child-rearing ("To Spank Or Not To Spank? (Hell Yes!)" and "Did That Internet Father Who Spanked His Daughters Go Too Far?").  With regard to this issue, many times high-profile events will bear out why such things need to happen.
Spikes in current events is pretty much blogger gold to someone like myself. We who critique and analyze ongoing events in the news are often treated to a noteworthy occurrence that just begs attention. During the riots that raged through a predominantly black section of Baltimore yesterday, one of those things that just begs for closer attention took place in them in the middle of the destruction and violence.
Now bear with me as I lead up to my overall point.
Like many Americans, I watched news coverage of the riots, sparked by the as-now unexplained death Freddy Gray, a young black male while in police custody (Gray was arrested for running from police and possession of a knife). As per the usual dynamic of many such cases that have come to light in recent years, the public chooses sides—usually along the lines of their preconceived beliefs, sans the logic or reason of critical thinking—by blindly justifying the police’s actions, or by condemning them as inexcusable under any circumstance. One side will assert racism (or at least biased applications of the law) are at the heart of these events, while the other will assert the lack of personal responsibility, bad parenting, warped social values, and adhering to a particular political ideology are the reasons for such tragedies. I took note of this as I (regrettably) watched the partisan commentators on Fox News attempt to outline an—albeit marginally truthful—narrative of the issues behind the events in Baltimore. To see what I mean by the sides that such events tend to form, please watch the video segment below, which sets up my point for the rest of this post.

I have always subscribed to the rational approach that an amalgam of all of these factors lays at the heart of these fatal encounters. What’s more, toss in the lack of professionalism among many police departments, ethnocentrism, lack of self-respect, and a little bit of history, and you get the ingredients for what’s happening in Baltimore. But if you watched the video clip I posted above, you might have noted that some will attempt to oversimplify “solutions” to the rioting by asking, “Where are the parents (of the rioters/looters)?”
Though every parent of every young rioter/looter weren’t to be seen, there was one angry parent who was present at the rioting—but she wasn’t taking part. She made her way to the scene of the mayhem to make known her disgust with her son’s involvement in the rioting, and took action to that point. Enter 42-year old Toya Graham. The reaction single mother of a 16-year old son found participating in the melee has gone viral (below).

My overall point is that parents today are in a battle for the souls of their children; drugs, gangs, sex, degraded cultural norms, wayward friends, and a whole host of other temptations are constantly pulling youth in the opposite direction of the one a parent chooses for their child/children. If a public display of old school discipline is what it takes to keep a child in line, so be it.

And despite what the neo-parenting literature says about spankings and corporal punishment “teaching children to be violent,” this is total and utter nonsense. The number of parents who spank their children as a way to help discipline them has decreased, yet more and more young teens and older youth are participating in adult crimes such as the rioting in Baltimore. Spankings also don’t the violence of youth gangs, school shootings perpetrated by students, and other such acts of violence.
There is absolutely nothing wrong with a parent who is looking after the best interests of their children using direct parenting, in conjunction with a firm hand when it comes to helping their children stay on the straight and narrow. A little national exposure and embarrassment for Ms. Graham's son is a small price to pay for the alternative for criminal behavior.
And for those critics who might disagree, consider the event that brought the mother and son to the point of confrontation…the death of Freddy Gray. As yourself which is worse; a slapping an unruly and disruptive child upside the head a few times, or them dying in policy custody because they couldn’t appreciate the difference between right and wrong? Now, if only the mothers of police officers who abuse their authority would do the same thing to their sons…

(Read more about Ms. Graham's actions during the rioting in Baltimore, here...)

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Yes Virginia, There ARE "Lazy Americans!" (Part 2)

(02/09/12 - Writer's Note: I want to extend my apologies to all of the regular readers of Beyond The Political Spectrum for the delay in posting my latest items. I have just completed a major move and career change over the past couple of months, and needless to say that affected regularly timely posting. Current issues in the news have provided me with much to post about over the past couple of months, so stay tuned for more exploration of these issues).

It’s funny how some things work out. Last posting (which seems like a lifetime ago, again apologies), I chronicled how in fact, Americans were indeed lazy when, in preparing for this follow up I came across a piece in a recent edition of USAToday. The report highlighted research revealing how the internet and related technology has enabled cheating in public schools to go high-tech (“eCheating: Students Find High Tech Ways To Deceive Teachers"). It also validated my previous observation about how lazy Americans (and our children) are.
But education is not the only area where our sloth reigns.


Relationships

Perhaps no segment in American society illustrates our laziness more than our approach to relationships. Some of us change partners with greater frequency than changing our underwear, with no time in-between romps for assessing ourselves (or what went wrong in the previous relationships). Leading the way among industrialized nations, America’s divorce rate is second to none. This reality is based on, in part our laziness toward the effort it takes to make relationships last beyond our selfish realization that our partners don’t measure up to our internalized expectations. Divorce has simply become too convenient, and is the only aspect of this insanity that we are (ironically) willing to put work into.

In a time of exaggerated self-importance—exemplified, if not spurred, by the proliferation of personal web pages, personality-driven “reality” television shows (making everyday people famous-for-nothing), and You Tube—the selfishness of the me mindset has infected relationships to the point where anyone who doesn’t cater to our selfish desires and/or expectations are summarily dismissed. The institution of marriage notwithstanding, the notion of “compromise” is usually not given even a brief consideration. Men have grown too selfish and uncaring in the consideration (or lack thereof) and respect for their female significant others. While women have grown too demanding in expecting men to cater to a Hollywood-ized sense of romance, as well as selfishness in making their feelings the primary issue in relationships.
Compromise has become one of those moralistically-attractive words used by individuals who soap box about how about how relationships can be made better, but are often just as guilty in being a part of the same mindset of lazy selfishness. When we’re fed-up with our partners, many of us are too lazy to inform them that they are about to be trashed (totally unaware, in many cases, that they themselves are perpetuating a cycle whereby the dumper is doing what was done to themselves sometime prior). The feelings of another have become disposable casualties of our laziness to see or empathize beyond ourselves, work through issues, consider our partners, and/or work through our own individual issues before jumping seeking out (another) romantic relationship (why put forth such effort when it’s so much easier to blame another for either not living up to our idealized expectations or catering to our impatience). And such sloth has created a cottage industry of “relationship experts” whose private offices, magazine and newspaper columns, and television segments have multitudes of people lining up to seek their advice—instead of looking inward and applying a little common sense effort to our relationships. As with many things, we look to others to do the work we ourselves should be doing.


Child-Rearing

How we raise our children is a subject I find myself writing about often…maybe because I have spent much of the last 13 years working with and observing them. Simply put, many Americans have put the onus for instilling desirable values in their children on elements of society rather than taking personal responsibility, as common sense dictates.
During times past, when most of society shared the same level of constructive and positive family values, America as a society—institutions outside of the nuclear family comprised of schools, neighbors, churches, and extended family—could be trusted to supplement in-home child-rearing. In school, we were taught about the negative effects of alcohol and drugs use, and corporal punishment was an occasionally-used option to keep unruly and disruptive children in-line with the rest of the class. Teachers were every bit as respected by children as their parents.
Truant (or assigned police) officers could be trusted to keep a vigilant eye out for children who suddenly forgot the direction to their school.
Neighbor s didn’t mind—indeed felt obligated to—“being nosey,” and informing responsible parents about the illicit shenanigans of their children.
Respect for adult authority was a foregone conclusion.
And in the home, parents lived up to their moral (and legal) obligations to directly parent their children. Education was reinforced (and cherished) more than sports or extra-curricular activities; school attendance was closely-monitored.
Teenage pregnancies were rare occurrences which brought a level of shame to a decent family.
Responsible parents not only knew their children’ whereabouts, but the names of their friends (or at least a family member) they ran around with. They were able to look their children in the eyes and tell whether or not they were lying, so activities like drugs and cigarette smoking were non-starters.
At the time, parents didn’t coddle children in an effort to protect them from themselves. Bruises, scrapes, black eyes, even more serious potential injuries were a part of growing up. The word "no" had meaning, and children were not allowed to question "why."
Children were raised to be tough, to accept hardships as a part of reality...without whining about every little hangnail or papercut.
Children had structure, chores, an understanding for the need to work around the neighborhood in an effort to earn extra money, and a sense of duty to help keep them out of trouble.
And parents actually did the caring and raising…not video games, not cable-music television, and definitely not other individuals.
But with lazy parenting now the norm, children today have a sense of entitlement rather than duty. This is partly because lazy parents often indulge their children in order to receive momentary compliance, or as a guilt-filler for perceived deficiencies. Parents are unable to discipline their children in the traditional manner of occasional whippings because people lack the will to collectively challenge the authority of (arguably) well-intentioned but ineffective elected officials and New Age clinicians who have revised this parental obligation.
The lack of real options in sanctioning unruly children has today’s children thinking they are the equal of adults. Indeed, many children take the vacuum created by making in-school and in-home corporal punishment illegal to assert blatant disrespect and disobedience toward their parents, even verbally threatening to call the authorities if a parents dares to exercise their right to punish their defiance. It’s no wonder why so many teens become parents, equating puberty with adulthood.

Low-paid convenient store employees are expected to expand their responsibilities and take on the role of parents to police young people looking to illegally buy cigarettes.
Truancy and dropout rates have exploded, almost reflecting a level of apathy or fatalism among adults today who are not up to the task of ensuring children are attending school
Teachers are disrespected scapegoats for irresponsible and uneducated parents who expect classroom instructors to their children without parental support or discipline from home.
Doing drugs is no longer an activity to be shied away from, but—in extreme cases that I’ve seen—an activity to be shared between young people and “cool” adults…including irresponsible parents, too lazy to bother fighting against their children’ need to fit-in.
In truth, our youth are the way they are not so much as a result of the choices they make, but because of the influences of irresponsible adults, lazy parenting, and a society that has forgotten that things were better when everyone worked to make sure that young people did what right, and not concerned themselves with children liked.
Again, our quality of collective laziness crosses beyond the lines of the family and relationships.

…To Be Concluded.

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A Few Items In The News…

The Mid-Term Elections

Years ago, Adolf Hitler said that if you tell a big enough lie often enough, it will eventually become the truth…and that truth will eventually not matter. Keep that in mind as reality has declared the mid-term elections of 2010 to now be history. And after all of the usual pre-election insanity of campaign lies, slanders, half-truths, opponent misrepresentations, and shifty campaign contribution, we have projected winners and losers.
Now that America has a divided Congress—between the now Republican-controlled House of Representatives and the Democrat-controlled Senate—as well as a Democratically-controlled executive branch (i.e., that’s the White House to those of you who failed Civics 101), we can expect ideological intransigence, political gridlock, party-bashing, and ultimately legislative inaction to run Washington for the foreseeable future.
Even as the landslide-victorious Republicans are preparing to take control of half of the federal government’s legislature, the presumed new Speaker of the House, John Boehner (R-OH) had already started to engage in the usual Washington political hyperbole by declaring that “there seems to be some denial on the part of the president and other Democratic leaders of the message that was sent by the American people."





Last week’s election victories on the part of the Republicans (in both national and local races across the country) were not so much as bringing the Democrats face-to-face with some presumed denial on their parts as much as it was greater organizing among the conservative rank-and-file, a more effective public relations machine, and better image-projecting. Combine this reality with the fact that Democrats were ideologically split over support for policies promoted by the White House and you get the pasting that Democrats suffered at the polls almost 2 weeks ago.
Most informed Americans already know the conservative platform of the Republican Party, so to call this election “the most historic election in over 60, 70 years” is something of a stretch of reality, and reeks of political spin…trying to make more of the elections than they were (come on…the election of the first African American president and the accompanying one-party control of the federal government during the previous election cycle doesn’t count as more “historic?” Even the Republican shift of Congress in 1994 was more meaningful historically). More to the point, its not as if the American electorate has much of a choice when it comes to party/ideological representation in Washington anyway…Brand X or Brand Y.
Taken altogether, these events harbinger what is to come for the American people…the ultimate loser in the elections of the past couple of weeks. Until either one party effectively (the key word here) controls one aspect of the legislative process, decides to work in the interests of their constituencies—us—and not instead hold allegiance to their political parties and their respective ideologies, or until both parties either learn to work together or the American people opt to create a viable third political alternative (the Tea Party totally withstanding), we can expect the same a three-ring circus in Washington in the coming term instead of functioning three branches of government.

Corporal Punishment In Schools

A high school basketball coach in Jackson, Mississippi is in legal hot water after images of him “paddling” students during a basketball practice went viral over the ‘net this week, courtesy of another student’s cell phone camera.
Coach Marlon Dorsey defended his practice of paddling basketball team members who failed “to run basketball plays correctly" as a way of trying to "save these young men from the destruction of self," according to court documents filed recently.
In further defense of his actions, Dorsey issued a statement which read,

"I paddled my students... today, some of [sic] students have lost pride in their school and in their (sic) selves. Students are disrespecting teachers, administrators and other students by stealing cell phones, leaving off campus without permission, disrupting classroom teaching time, late for class and not following dress codes by wearing the pants on their butts and house shoes to school and on-court behavior. I took it upon myself to save these young men from the destruction of self and what society has accepted and become silent to the issues our students are facing on a daily basis."

As of this writing: Dorsey is still employed with the district, but is on active suspension without pay for 28 days; students who were alleged to have been paddled still attend classes and are still playing on the boy's varsity basketball team; and a lawsuit has been filed in court naming the school district, Dorsey, and the school principal as defendants who failed to safeguard the rights of the players (http://mw.cnn.com/snarticle?c=cnnd_us&p=0&aId=20101111:mississippi.coach.whippings:1).





Having worked with young people myself for over 10 years (including currently as a counselor for at-risk teens), I not only empathize with Dorsey’s position, but support it 110%. Today’s youth are simply out of control, especially urban youth. Part of this is because we as a society have adopted an overly liberal attitude toward dealing with both their issues and their actions. We have adopted a New Age form of thinking which asserts that paddling, whippings, and other forms of “abuse” are more harmful than helpful to youth in dealing with their delinquency. But an argument can be made that removing these (and other such) sanctions as options when it comes to bringing up our children does more harm to society as a whole.
Most of us who comprise Generation X, Baby Boomers, and prior generations received such sanctions regularly in both the home and in schools (from 3rd grade through high school), and we are no worse for our experiences. In fact, it could be argued that such actions reinforced our generation’s superior social value of duty, while the absence of such actions has resulted in this current generation’s sense of entitlement.
Even if you don’t agree with bringing back corporal punishment in public schools, one thing no one can disagree with is that there was no where near as much violence, disrespect for teachers, and lack of self-respect back in my public school days as there is today with the absence of such measures. Also, people were not chomping at the bit to sue for any perceived violation of one’s “rights” back in the day as they are now…as if awarding monetary “compensation” somehow miraculously gives one back his/her dignity.
In fact, who needs Corporal Punishment? I say bring in Sergeant Slaughter!


Black Unwed Motherhood Reaches A New High

This week, the Washington Post featured a story about the extremely high—an understatement to be sure—rate of unwed motherhood among black women in America. According the both the article and the latest government figures, black single motherhood among black women is an astounding 72%, far and away shadowing the demographic group, Native Americans at 66% (“Blacks Struggle With 72% Unwed Mothers Rate,” The Washington Post.


http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2010/11/06/AR2010110602362_pf.html ).

To emphasize the point, the article focused on the experience of a Houston-area OB-GYN and her low-income–serving practice. The government’s statistics closely mirrors the daily experiences of Dr. Natalie Carroll, who gives a level of personal counseling emphasizing the need for single mothers to bring stable male figures into the lives of their children…in addition to medical care she provides to expectant mothers.
For many within the black community, this fact is no surprise, although the numerical percentage is still shocking. The black community also knows all-too well the correlative outcomes that such a high rate of single-parent households tends to yield—children of unmarried mothers (of any race) “are more likely to perform poorly in school, go to prison, use drugs, be poor as adults, and have their own children out of wedlock.”
It’s a well-know but little-discussed norm within the black community that, even when is criticized for the sociological pathology that it is by high profile figures such as entertainer Bill Cosby on the left and former Republican presidential candidate Alan Keyes on the right, it becomes a matter of loping off the head (s) of the bearer(s) of bad news rather than an issue to be addressed.
It’s a complex problem with equally complicated solutions. Yes, black males could learn to step up and accept more responsibility insofar as family and their children are concerned, but when the economic climate creates more impediments than opportunities, how is he supposed to become “marriage material” if he cannot even acquire gainful employment? And what woman is going to “take care of a man” (a prospective taboo among many black women)?
And what about idea of marriage as a solution to this problem? Given the almost daily reports about how many high profile couples such as entertainers—individuals of more-than-adequate financial means—are splitting up almost as soon as they get together, how is any man supposed to take the institution of marriage seriously when it seems no one else is? As a solution to the high rate of single motherhood in and of itself, marriage seems to be an outdated institution that no one takes seriously. Indeed, depending on whose numbers you buy, more than half of them will end up in divorce anyway. So there is obviously no sense of security in matrimony. More so, if it comes down to divorce, the man is far more likely to receive the short end of the stick insofar as rulings (spousal/child support, the dividing of assets, etc.) are concerned, so where is his incentive to get married?
It would seem that many aspects of the socioeconomic system in America have to change in order for facilitate an incentive for black males become more responsible, and for black women to accept them as potential marriage partners. Then again, these were non-factors for black family cohesiveness during both slavery and in the century of Jim Crow following slavery. As mentioned earlier, it’s a complicated issue.

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